Funny Dog Quotes: 20 Lines From Reddit and My Dog Bubble

Hello guys, welcome back to my blog. Today I am sharing funny dog quotes that real dog owners posted on Reddit. If your dog also chews your slipper and then looks at you like you did it, these funny dog quotes will feel very close to home.

I went through r/dogs, r/velvethippos, r/DOG and r/puppy101 for this post. I picked 12 lines that made me laugh, and I kept them in the owners’ own words. Then I wrote 8 more of my own, because my Chihuahua Bubble gives me new material every day.

I also checked who really said the famous ones, because the internet gets this wrong a lot. At the end you will get some real dog facts and a table that tells you where to use each quote.

Funny Dog Quotes From Reddit: The Classic One-Liners

These three came up on r/dogs, and they are short, which is why they work. My papa says a good pipe joint has nothing extra on it and nothing leaking. I think a good joke is the same.

1. “The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”

This is my favorite of the three. Bubble has never asked me about my salary, and he has never sent me a good morning flower photo. If you ask me, that makes him better company then most relatives.

2. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

I read this two times before I got it. The first half sounds like a nice line on a school wall, and then the second half comes and spoils everything. That is exactly why people still repeat it.

3. “In dog years, I’m dead.”

Only five words, and the full joke is done. If you go by the old multiply by 7 rule, anybody above 20 is already 140 and gone. That rule is wrong, by the way, and I will come to that below.

Funny Things People Say to Their Dogs

These next three are from r/velvethippos. A “velvet hippo” is slang for a pit bull, and honestly it is the best nickname I have heard for any dog. The people there talk to their dogs like they are talking to a lazy cousin, and I love it.

4. “You’re a pig in a dog suit.”

One owner calls their dog this, and I think every dog owner has thought it at dinner time. Bubble weighs very less, but he finishes his bowl like somebody is coming to take it away.

5. “Who’s this good boy”

The owner’s joke here is that the dog can’t be anything else. He has no other options, so he is the good boy by default. Even if he ate your sock ten minutes ago, the answer stays the same.

6. “Pull yourself together.”

This owner says it to their dog pretty much daily. I think that is very fair for an animal who is scared of a plastic bag. I told Bubble the same thing after his last fight with the doorbell, and nothing has changed so far.

Silly Nicknames and Calls

Every dog owner has some silly song or saying that nobody outside the house should hear. I picked one song and two sayings here, and all three made me feel better about my own house.

7. “I’m a little pit bull short and stout…”

This is from r/velvethippos. An owner took the old teapot song and made it about their dog, and the next line goes to the tail and the snout. I tried it with Bubble, but “Chihuahua” does not fit in the tune at all.

8. “Mugsy. Ancient Indian word for He Who Is In The Way.”

This one is from r/DOG and I laughed for a long time. I am Indian and I have never heard this word in my life, but I fully accept the meaning. Every dog is Mugsy in the kitchen. You turn around with a hot pan and he is standing right there.

9. “Make good choices!”

This is also from r/velvethippos. This family says it every time they leave the house. My mummy said the same thing to me before every school trip, and I also did not listen.

Goofy Lines People Catch Themselves Saying

If you get a puppy, you will say some sentences you never planned to say in your life. r/puppy101 is full of such people, and I feel for them. The last one here is from r/dogs, and it is my favorite pun in this post.

10. “There will be no frolicking in this house!!”

An owner shouted this at rowdy puppies. I love the word frolicking here. It sounds like a judge giving an order, and I think the puppies obeyed it for zero seconds.

11. “Get your tongue out of the cat’s butthole.”

Sorry guys, but I can’t leave this one out. The owner says they say it more than a person would expect. A normal person would expect zero times, so that was not hard.

12. “Do you want to go to Milwaukees?”

Say it out loud and you will hear “Mil-walkies”. The owner uses it as the walk call, and I think that is genius. If you like this kind of word play, I have a full post on funny dog puns. And nobody can say no pun intended here, because this pun was fully planned.

My Own Funny Dog Lines, Thanks to Bubble

After reading all of these, I wanted to try some of my own. Bubble is a Chihuahua, so he is very small, very loud and fully sure that he owns the house. Here are 8 lines I wrote about him, and you can use them for your dog also.

No.	My Line	When I Say It
13	“Bubble is like a dripping tap. Very small, but he can keep the full house awake.”	Barking at 2 am
14	“My dog weighs less then my toolbox, and he still thinks he is my boss.”	Every morning
15	“He has ten toys, but he only wants my slipper.”	Slipper is missing again
16	“He can hear a biscuit packet from two rooms away. He can’t hear his own name.”	When I call him
17	“He has been fighting the doorbell all his life, and the doorbell is winning.”	Somebody comes home
18	“He sleeps all day and then sighs like he did a double shift.”	After his fourth nap
19	“Papa can fix any leak in the house, except the one Bubble leaves near the door.”	Morning cleanup
20	“I bought him a nice bed. He looked at it, and then he took mine.”	Bed time

I think number 13 is the truest line I have ever written. A dripping tap and a Chihuahua are the same thing at 2 am. If you want more of his chaos, my post on bad dog puns is full of it.

Who Really Said the Famous Ones

The internet gives every good line to some famous person. So I checked quotes 1 to 3 from this post, and the famous names did not hold up.

Quote	Usually Credited To	What I Found
“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”	Mark Twain	Quote Investigator found no real proof that Twain said it. A French journal printed a version in 1822, from an unnamed lady. Twain’s name was on it by 1911, one year after he died.
“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend…”	Groucho Marx	Quote Investigator traced it to a Chicago paper in 1943, and that joke was about a horse. Groucho got the credit only in 1973, so the proof for him is very weak.
“In dog years, I’m dead.”	Nobody famous	I could not find who said it first. A similar line is printed on birthday cards, so I think nobody owns this joke.

That French line is more then 200 years old, and people are still using it. My papa says you don’t throw out a tool if it still works, and I think the same goes for jokes.

Real Facts Behind These Jokes

Some of these jokes have real science behind them. I looked up four of them, and here is what I found.

The Quote	The Real Fact	Source
“In dog years, I’m dead.”	One dog year is not seven human years. For a medium dog, the first year is about 15 human years, the second is about 9 and each year after is about 5.	American Kennel Club
“Who’s this good boy”	In a 2018 University of York study, adult dogs chose to spend time with people using a high, happy voice and dog words. When the voice and words were mixed up, the dogs had no preference.	EurekAlert
“Pull yourself together.”	A 2016 study in Science scanned dogs’ brains while they heard their trainers. Dogs handled words and tone separately, and they responded best when praise words came in a praising voice.	AAAS
“There will be no frolicking in this house!!”	That crazy running has a real name, Frenetic Random Activity Periods or FRAPs. It is normal, and puppies do it more often.	Toronto Humane Society

I like the York study the most. My sister always laughs at the voice I use with Bubble, and now I have science on my side. The 2016 study also tells me that a tired “good boy” from the sofa is not my best work. The words and the voice have to match, same as a nut and a bolt.

Where to Use Each Quote

My papa says every job has its own tool, and quotes are the same. So I made this simple table for you.

Where You Will Use It	Best Quote	Why I Picked It
Instagram photo of your dog eating	“You’re a pig in a dog suit.”	Short, and the photo does half the work
Birthday card for an old friend	“In dog years, I’m dead.”	Age jokes always work on birthdays
Mug or T-shirt	“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”	Every dog owner agrees with it
Gift for a book lover	“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend…”	Book people enjoy this one the most
WhatsApp status when you leave for work	“Make good choices!”	Everybody at home will understand it
New puppy owners’ group chat	“There will be no frolicking in this house!!”	They are living this line right now
Photo of your dog blocking the kitchen	“Mugsy. Ancient Indian word for He Who Is In The Way.”	It fits every dog in every kitchen
Video of a small dog barking	“Bubble is like a dripping tap.”	Just change the name to your dog’s name

FAQ

Q: What are the best funny dog quotes for Instagram?

A: Short ones work best. I will pick “You’re a pig in a dog suit” or “Make good choices!” because both fit in one line.

Q: Did Mark Twain really say “The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog”?

A: Most likely no. Quote Investigator found no real proof, and a French version was printed in 1822, before Twain was even born.

Q: Did Groucho Marx say the line about a book and a dog?

A: The proof is very weak. The joke goes back to 1943 with a horse in it, and his name only comes in 1973.

Q: Are these quotes okay for kids?

A: Most of them are. Just skip number 11, unless you are ready to explain it at the dinner table.

Q: Where can I find more funny dog quotes on Reddit?

A: Try r/dogs, r/puppy101, r/velvethippos and r/DOG. There is also a good r/dogs thread on sarcastic and funny things people say to their dogs.

Final Words

So guys, these were my funny dog quotes. I have covered 12 real lines from Reddit, 8 of my own about Bubble, who really said the famous ones, and some real dog facts.

If you ask me, the best quote is still the one you shout at your own dog while he runs away with your slipper. Let me know in the comments which line sounds most like your dog. Keep on visiting Funny Puns Only for more!

Funny Dog Quotes That Made Reddit Laugh