Hello guys, welcome back to my blog. Today I am going to tell you about funny football player names, the kind that make you stop reading and go “wait, that is a real person?” I promise, every name in this post is 100% real, not made up by me.
I spend way too much time on Reddit reading sports threads, and I always end up laughing at some funny football player names people share there. So I decided to collect the best ones in one place for you guys, both from American football (NFL) and normal football, which most of the world calls soccer. Both sides have some real gems, trust me.
50+ Funny Football Player Names
1.David Doodwillie
- About: Scottish striker
- Wikipedia
2. Norman Conquest
- About: American goalkeeper
- Wikipedia
3. Etienne Green
- About: Goalkeeper for Saint-Étienne, who play in green
- Wikipedia
4. Ivan Toney
- About: Striker, initials famously spelled “IBET” during a betting ban
- Wikipedia
5. Jizz Hornkamp
- About: Dutch striker who went viral for a four-goal outing
- Wikipedia
6. Mark De Man
- About: Belgian international centre-back
- Wikipedia
7. Rafael Scheidt
- About: Brazilian defender, played for Celtic, surname pronounced “shite”
- Wikipedia
8. Danny Shittu
- About: Centre-back, Watford and Bolton
- Wikipedia
9. Danny Drinkwater
- About: Midfielder, Leicester City title winner, arrested for drink-driving
- Wikipedia
10. Somália (Wanderson de Paula Sabino)
- About: Brazilian forward
- Wikipedia
11. Roberto Dinamite
- About: Football Legendary Brazilian striker
- Wikipedia
12. Vagner Love
- About: Brazilian forward, still playing into his late 30s
- Wikipedia
13. Kaká
- About: Ballon d’Or-winning Brazilian midfielder
- Wikipedia
14. Vampeta
- About: Brazilian midfielder, 2002 World Cup winner
- Wikipedia
15. Wolfgang Wolf
- About: Former manager of Wolfsburg
- Wikipedia
16. Paul Dickov
- About: Scottish striker, Man City and Leicester
- Wikipedia
17. Alphonse Areola
- About: Goalkeeper, West Ham and France international
- Wikipedia
18. Stefan Kuntz
- About: German forward, Euro ’96 winner
- Wikipedia
19. Michalis Bakakis
- About: Greek right-back
- Wikipedia
20. Ralf Minge
- About: East German international, Dynamo Dresden legend
- Wikipedia
21. Fabián Assmann
- About: Argentine footballer
- Wikipedia
22. André Muff
- About: Swiss footballer
- Wikipedia
23. Michael Gash
- About: English striker, Kidderminster Harriers
- Wikipedia
24. Uwe Fuchs
- About: German forward, played for Middlesbrough
- Wikipedia
25. Sanchez Watt
- About: English forward, Arsenal academy product
- Wikipedia
26. Rod Fanni
- About: French defender
- Wikipedia
27. Yuri Zhirkov
- About: Russian midfielder, Chelsea and CSKA Moscow
- Wikipedia
28. Osama Vinladen
- About: Peruvian second-division footballer
- Wikipedia
29. Janusz Gol
- About: Polish footballer, surname means “goal” in Polish
- Wikipedia
30. Hamit Altıntop
- About: Turkish midfielder, surname means “golden ball”
- Wikipedia
31. Phillip Cocu
- About: Dutch midfielder and manager
- Wikipedia
32. Jaroslav Jankulovský
- About: Czech defender
- Wikipedia
33. Kepa Arrizabalaga
- About: Spanish goalkeeper, Chelsea and Bournemouth
- Wikipedia
34. Suso
- About: Spanish winger, Sevilla and Milan
- Wikipedia
35. Fernando Gago
- About: Argentine midfielder, Real Madrid and Boca Juniors
- Wikipedia
36. Ali Dia
- About: Infamous fake-reference Southampton signing, 1996
- Wikipedia
37. Fitz Hall
- About: English defender, nicknamed “One Size”
- Wikipedia
38. Sean Longstaff
- About: Newcastle United midfielder
- Wikipedia
39. Matty Longstaff
- About: Newcastle United midfielder, Sean’s brother
- Wikipedia
40. Muzzy Izzet
- About: Leicester City midfielder
- Wikipedia
41. Phil Babb
- About: Irish defender, Liverpool
- Wikipedia
42. Tony Woodcock
- About: 1980s Arsenal and Nottingham Forest striker
- Wikipedia
43. Kevin Lasagna
- About: Italian striker, Udinese
- Wikipedia
44. Franklin “Daddysboy” Nyenetue
- About: Liberian-born forward
- Wikipedia
45. Vanja Drkušić
- About: Slovenian footballer
- Wikipedia
46. Matt Holland
- About: Irish midfielder, Ipswich and Charlton
- Wikipedia
47. Prince Polley
- About: Cult-favorite Dutch footballer
- Wikipedia
48. Andre Harriman-Annous
- About: Arsenal academy forward
- Wikipedia
49. Robbie Fowler
- About: Liverpool legend, nicknamed “God”
- Wikipedia
50. Robin Koch
- About: German international defender
- Wikipedia
51. Destiny Udogie
- About: Tottenham Hotspur full-back
- Wikipedia
52. Lukáš Masopust
- About: Slavia Prague midfielder
- Wikipedia
53. Yago Pikachu
- About: Brazilian winger
- Wikipedia
Final Words
So guys, that was my collection of funny football player names, from naturally funny NFL names, to soccer slander nicknames, to pun-based fantasy football team names, and even a few with unfortunate accidental meanings. I have tried to mix in real facts and Reddit sources so you know I am not making any of this up.
If you enjoyed this kind of name humor, you should also check my post on funny dinosaur names, which has some real scientific names that are just as funny as these football ones. I also have a post explaining what “no pun intended” actually means, which comes in handy after reading a list like this. And if you like funny animal names too, do check my 150+ funny dog puns post next.
Let me know in the comments which funny football player name made you laugh the hardest, guys. Keep on visiting Funny Puns Only for more! ⚽🏈
Sources
- Reddit — r/Fantasy_Football: Best/Funniest Fantasy Football Names for 2026
- Reddit — r/bootroom: What is the funniest football slander name of all time?
- Reddit — r/nfl: comment on Ha Ha Clinton-Dix
- Reddit — r/NFLUK: comment on D’Brickashaw Ferguson
- Reddit — r/soccercirclejerk: comment on Jizz Hornkamp
- Reddit — r/Fantasy_Football: comment on Kareem Pie
- Reddit — r/Fantasy_Football: comment on Diggs-in my Boutte
- Reddit — r/bootroom: comment on Alexander Lackofthreat
- Reddit — r/football: comment on Rafael Scheidt
- Reddit — r/football: comment on Danny Drinkwater
- Reddit — r/nfl: comment on Fair Hooker and other funny NFL names